


Logan's Reasons

by Little_Spirit199



Series: Sanders Sides: Mind Palace [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecure Logic | Logan Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders-centric, No Romance, One Shot, References to Depression, Song: Watashi no Aaru | My R, some heavy-ass angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:49:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26485198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Spirit199/pseuds/Little_Spirit199
Summary: Logan Sanders, the smart one. Or at least he's supposed to be. They're all smart enough without him.It's not like they ever listen to his logic anyway.They'll be fine without him.Potential Triggers: References to Suicide, Depression and Self Harm. Stay safe everyone <3
Series: Sanders Sides: Mind Palace [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1926265
Comments: 4
Kudos: 61





	Logan's Reasons

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [My R](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/684592) by Rachie. 



In the Mind Palace, there's a certain area. Logan doesn't know whether to call it a balcony, or a roof, or whatever. It doesn't fit the exact descriptions of either, so he just calls it an area. The funny thing about it is that it's not there all the time. Well, it used to only appear at certain times, but now it seems to be around every corner. He can't get rid of it, and he knows exactly why.

They all know what the area is there for, but no one acknowledges it. The funny thing is, the place doesn't even have much of a view. Nothing at all. Surrounding it is all black mist. Underneath it is a chasm that is supposedly endless. Surrounding it is a short, flimsy barrier. It's figuratively taunting everyone, 'jump off me, Thomas doesn't need you. You're worthless. No one would miss you anyway.'

Logan finds himself here today, purely by accident, but it's a lucky coincidence. Today's the day, Logan, he tells himself. _Thomas doesn't need me, I'm worthless. No one will miss me anyway_. The tendrils of smoke are curling around his legs and waist. He believes this signifies a willingness to jump. Just about time now. Yes, it's time. He slips his shoes off and swings one leg over the side, but he's stopped by the sound of someone crying. He turns quickly, and sees Patton standing at the gate. "Patton?" He asks, his voice coming out quietly, not wanting anyone to try and stop him from jumping. But that doesn't happen. Patton's crying, and gripping something. A ukulele? Oh, that's what this is about. Patton looks up quietly and sniffs, obviously not expecting Logan to be there.  
"Um, Logan. Hello. I was just, well, you know," He half-shrugged and tried to laugh, but it came out more like a sigh.  
Logan nods slowly and tries to pry the ukulele from Patton's hands.  
"Patton, let go. You need to let go." He doesn't just mean let go of the musical instrument. He glances towards the ground and noticing the smoke starting to whirl its way around Patton's legs as well as his own. Patton's tearing up, and Logan has no idea how to respond.  
"Look, Patton, it'll be alright. You'll recover, and find a better guy, alright?" This is the best he can think of. Patton swallows and chokes back tears.  
"I just- I thought he was the One, alright? When he told me we were done, I couldn't believe it. I made a bad decision. Thomas doesn't need me." Logan stiffens at that phrase, so similar to how he felt about himself. 

Logan is quiet for a moment, then he says, "Thomas does need you." Of course Thomas needs Patton. "You're the one who keeps him honest. He would go in a bad direction without you." Logan finally manages to grab the ukulele and tosses it over the edge. He needs to be the strong one here, he needs to be the logical one...   
Patton casts his eyes downward.  
"Um, alright. I guess..." He bites his lip and the tears spill over his eyes. "Thank you?" and he jogs away. Logan hears him muttering to himself,  
"He doesn't need me though..." and his voice faded away after that.

 _But he does, Patton. At least you still have something you are managing and completing on a daily basis,_ Logan tries to communicate telepathically, although he knows that is impossible. He notices that the wisps have traveled up to his waist and arms.

_At least you still serve a purpose._  
  
_At least you are respected and listened to._

_At least you are needed, Patton_.

* * *

The weeks go by, and nobody visits the area, at least not to Logan's knowledge. Although if they did, they probably wouldn't say anything. Everyone is all accounted for. Roman, Patton, Remus, Virgil, Janus. All accounted for. It seems like people think less of him the more time goes on. His logic is ignored, in preference to passion, in preference to caution or in preference to emotion. He is always the last to be considered, and even then, his contributions are so often disregarded. He finds himself climbing a staircase, one that leads to the area. The door swings open of its own accord, but he's surprised to find the last person he expected to see here. Roman, the literal embodiment of ambition. What could possibly have happened to him?

He walks quietly to the edge of the area. Roman apparently didn't hear him, and he startles, just a little. "Roman, what are you doing here?" Logan asks flatly. What could his problem be?  
Roman hangs his head just a tad, then sighs deeply.  
"Logan, I don't think you would understand."  
"Just try." He urges.  
"Well, I failed Thomas at that audition. I should've been better prepared, more focused. Usually..." He stops for a moment. "Usually, that's your job, so I'm not the best at it. I did a terrible job and ruined his chances at getting a part." The smoke is rising, wrapping around Roman's ankles, then his knees.  
"I guess I think Patton should take over the creativity part. He would be better at it. He always makes Thomas happy, and he never fails like this."  
Oh, Roman, if only you knew.   
Logan tries for a comforting pat on the shoulder, but I comes out all awkward. Roman smiles weakly, then says,  
"Hey, I'm sorry to bother you with this stuff. I know you aren't a big fan of... emotions in general."

 _"It's quite alright. You'd be surprised how much I actually care about these sorts of things, Roman."_ That's what he wanted to say, but instead he just says: "It's quite alright, Roman. I don't think you're right about Thomas not needing you. I mean, you're the assertive one. We would not get much done without you around. Virgil's too cautious and Patton's too meek." _And no one listens to what I say_. He doesn't say that last part, although he's certainly thinking it.

Roman sulks off several minutes later, a little wisp of that ominous smoke following him on the way out. Logan leans on the creaky railing. His glasses start fogging up, due to the mysterious black cloud, so he takes them off and tucked them into his shirt pocket. He doesn't really need them anyway. Maybe he should consider getting contacts. He could summon anything, so it's not like he lacks options. Well, no time for jumping today, thanks to Roman. It's time to manage Thomas's sleep schedule. Logan is almost always on night duty. He and all the other Sides don't need sleep, so the others like to hang out and talk while Thomas is asleep, but someone has to do night duty. 

Sweet dreams, Thomas.

* * *

Finally, no one's here. Logan briefly wonders who will cover night duty after he's gone. Well, those five will figure it out, they seem to do fine figuring everything else out. It's early morning, so nobody's around. At least that is what he thought. He swung both legs over the barrier, only standing by the very thin edge of dark concrete, very, very nearly about to jump, but he's interrupted by someone grabbing both arms and pulling him backwards.   
"Logan, are you stupid?! What are you thinking?" It's Virgil. Logan rubs his head, which got bumped when he fell over, and stands up.  
"Virgil!" He can't keep the annoyance from his voice. Is everyone so determined to make what little life Logan has left terrible?   
"Yes, it's me." He said, looking more concerned by the second. He could tell something was wrong, but couldn't put his finger on it before that day. Was this was Logan was hiding from them this whole time?  
"What are you doing here?" Logan gasps. The idea dawns on him as suddenly as a punch to the gut. Not him too! Why don't any of them realize that they actually contribute to Thomas's life? It isn't a difficult concept!   
"I just came up here to-" Virgil starts, but he is quickly cut off.  
"Virgil, you can't! You may not realize it, but you are valued, alright? Yes, Thomas needs you, so DON'T JUMP!" He needs to end this nonsense. They have all gone crazy, every last one. Virgil grabs Logan's shoulders and looks him flat in the face.  
"Logan."  
"It's me." He realizes that he's unconsciously mirrored their conversation from just a few minutes ago. Virgil either doesn't notice or doesn't care. He keeps staring at Logan, not hesitating a second. "I. Am. Not. Jumping. And to be frank, you really need to calm down. Everything's alright, okay?" The fact that Virgil, ANXIETY, is the one telling him to calm down has to mean something. What does it mean? "I just like coming up here to reflect." He says, stroking Logan's shoulder, like how Logan tried to do for Roman but failed. "It's much quieter here than in my room a lot of the time. Did you know that Patton and Roman and Janus and Remus are always visiting me in there? I can't get them to leave."

Logan didn't know that, but he doesn't know exactly what to say to it.  
He quickly decides on, "Oh. I'm sorry. They can all be a bit, um, enthusiastic, can't they?" That makes Virgil smile, even laugh a little.  
"Yeah, that's a pretty good way to say it. Hey look, you might be quieter than the others, but we still listen to you. That's why you're here isn't it?" He pulls him into a hug and Logan feels his glasses fog up around the edges yet again.  
"How did you know?"  
"It wasn't hard to figure out. You saved them, didn't you? You saved both of them, but they didn't notice how bad you were feeling. They're both so great most of the time, but so are you. I can promise that Thomas listens. Please stay. I need someone else around here to be sane, so I don't go completely crazy."  
"Oh... Really? I really don't think they listen."   
"They do. And I can't speak for anyone else, but I really respect all the work you do to keep Thomas running."  
Is Virgil right? Everyone is always so eager to share their own thoughts, but do they really listen to Logan? No, he knows from experience that his contributions serve no purpose whatsoever.  
"I'm sorry Virgil." He sighs. He genuinely does believe that Virgil always considers his opinions, but they are always able work things out without him, so things really would be better if he were gone. In one swift movement, he swoops his legs over the railing and leaps off the slippery concrete ledge before Virgil even has the time to react at all.

He expects to keep falling for eternity, but nothing happens. His eyes, which were shut tightly before, open slowly. The fog on his glasses has cleared slightly, but not very much. He's dangling by the railing, not moving even a centimeter downward. He feels something gripping his wrists. Virgil? No..  
He risks a glance upward, and does not expect what he sees at all. Patton holding his left hand, Roman holding his right. Where did they even come from? How did they grab him, and why? Roman pulls him up, looking very angry.  
"Logan! What are you trying to do here? Don't be stupid, you're supposed to be the smart one."  
Patton hugs him from behind, standing on his toes. "Don't leave us, Logan. Please? We need you, really!" There it is. They need him. Perhaps they say that now, but it isn't true.  
"How did you even get here in time?" He glances at Virgil, who is still standing to the side, looking slightly stunned. Roman pulls out a hoodie from thin air. "Logan. You've forgotten that we can make anything here. Be a little more creative." He says with a slightly weak smile. "Invisibility hoodies. We were here the whole time." His voice gets slow and serious. "Hey, be honest with us. You were about to freaking kill yourself, if things get that bad, at least talk to us!" Patton is nodding along frantically.  
"You see? They care about you." Virgil smirks, but in a nice way.   
"Wait." Patton says quickly. "You think we don't care about you?" Logan is feeling slightly overwhelmed, he just says, "Yes. Er, no, it's not that. I think-"  
"Just shut up, alright?" and they all come in for a hug. Is this really happening? Logan can't think of a single thing to say, so he doesn't say anything. Sometimes it's better to keep silent.

He does serve a purpose.

He is respected

And Logan Sanders is most certainly needed.


End file.
